I’ve been thinking a lot about the topic of “diversity” and the ongoing conversation about diversity in our country, our organizations, and our communities. I actually woke up this morning thinking about it.
“Diversity” is not a new concept, and we seem to understand that diversity is good….we seem to like diversity in SOME things (we don’t eat the same food for every meal, we have more than one outfit, we don’t watch the same TV show over and over….well, maybe we’ve binge- watched during the Pandemic….but you get the point).
In these contexts, we seem to understand that diversity simply means “differences”. I think we are comfortable with “diversity” when we feel as though we have some control over the diversity, and that it doesn’t challenge us.
Diversity, for me, is about more than those things that are easy to recognize on the outside…we need diversity in experiences, attitudes, and opinions at the table, as well as those who have a different skin color, gender, spiritual beliefs, or culture.
Where we seem to get stuck is when we move from diversity to INCLUSION. To me, inclusion is where we welcome the diversity that is all around us., even when we don’t fully understand the other’s viewpoint or background, and even when the diversity makes us uncomfortable. Inclusion in the workplace, or in any organization, is where I recognize the differences, but instead of working against those differences, or trying to minimize the differences, I recognize the VALUE in the differences, and I’m glad to have it.
It seems to me that our plans to “increase diversity” were always shortsighted if the diversity being introduced would be ostracized and devalued.
I think that may have happened in places where diversity was mandated and not welcomed, or where the incredible power of diversity isn’t recognized.
I believe “inclusion” is a heart issue….inclusion is believing that all people bring something of value and that all people are valuable. Inclusion requires humility….it challenges us to acknowledge that what we think we know isn’t all there is to know and that others bring things we don’t have to the table. Additionally, inclusion requires us to acknowledge that we are BETTER TOGETHER. For me, it has been a journey to learn to listen and value the voices that are saying something different from what I think and what I want to hear. I don’t have to adopt everything that I hear someone else saying…but the ability to listen to what someone else is saying helps me to think better. For this reason, I believe that inclusion should be a strategic priority for our country, our schools, our businesses, and our families, because diversity is our strength, and inclusion is how we activate that strength.
So, how do we go about moving from diversity to inclusion? I think a key tool we can use is the art of having MESSY conversations. MESSY conversations are those conversations that challenge us…those conversations around tough subjects, or with people we don’t think we share much in common with. These conversations can be tough…..and because of that, sometimes we avoid them, or we let the toughness of the subject or the participants hijack the value in the conversation.
There is a way to have tough conversations, even with people who challenge us. There’s a MESSY Method to having productive tough conversations: By getting clear on the Mindset you bring to the conversation, Evaluating the purpose of the conversation and all the things that make the conversations tough, practicing your listening and questioning Skills, employing Strategies to diffuse difficult elements of these conversations, and focusing on who You are, and how that impacts how you interact with others, you can learn a new way to have conversations.
Conversation is the key to learning about those at our tables, in our classrooms and boardrooms, and even our family rooms. When we sit together, in the middle of tough topics, and have MESSY conversations, we can begin to see our differences in a way that allows us to get better results. If we want to activate the power in our diversity, we need to learn to have conversations that make us uncomfortable. But we don’t need to have the conversations in a way that excludes and alienates….we can be inclusive and still cover tough stuff…..if we embrace that these conversations are MESSY, but they will lead us somewhere Wonderful.
If you want to know more about learning to have MESSY conversations, email us at karen@messyiswonderful.com to learn about our new courses on coaching on this topic.
KAREN WHITE is a retired USAF Lieutenant Colonel, a lawyer and a John Maxwell Certified Coach, Speaker and Trainer. She is also Certified Personality Insights Behavior Consultant specializing in DISC methodology.